Wow. Matt, even though this is a heavy piece, I’m so grateful that you’d be willing to share all of these really hard and intimate thoughts and moments that you have been holding on to and thinking through. You mentioned that you have defined your role within the relationship,
“Years ago, I determined that I am not here to convince him to clean up. My role is to be his brother, to let him know that I love him, and that I am available to help him when he’s ready to get the help he needs.”
I can only assume that even though this role you’ve given yourself may give you a sense of freedom in only taking responsibility for what you can actually change or help, it comes with it a lot more hardship as it has reveals a lot more transparency over your brother’s circumstance. I hope that writing has been a good companion to you in recounting all these meaningful and melancholic times.
Matt, so sorry to hear about Phil's situation. I have a brother-in-law who is a recovering addict, but in a far different situation. He's taken up "residence" in my in-laws home, not because they want him there, but because he is a master manipulator, who has convinced my mother-father in-law that they can't say no. So, the enabling continues.
Also dealing with a family member, who like Phil, "has made his bed," and is living in it. I hear from him only when he needs something, and if I'm hesitant to comply with the request, I am labeled the "biggest a-hole" in the world, who is "beyond selfish." Not the ideal relationship, but it's been that ay for years, with no change in sight.
Makes me happy that you all still share a relationship. It's not an easy thing to do. Please tell Phil I as asking about him next time you see him. We were never "tight," but we were friendly, and I vividly remember his exploits on the field and the mat that can only be considered legendary. Keep fighting the good fight.
Thank you, T.J., and I will certainly pass that along to Phil. His athletic frame and background may well be what has kept him alive thru what would surely have taken many of us six feet under. He walks about 8 miles a day now, too. More on that in a future post.
Beautifully written and pure. The sidelines are hard and heart breaking but necessary sometimes. ❤️ Sending love and hopefulness. When the war on tv becomes the war at home. ❤️❤️
I love this article. Got me thinking of the old days when we would visit you in Somerville and Marshfield. We were all so young and innocent back then. As you know I can relate to this article too much. Happy you can be there for him. Love you cuz.
Thank you, Russ! The other day, Phil was asking about you -- something he does pretty frequently. I let him know that you'd been golfing recently, which he got a kick out of hearing.
Let him know I'm testing a new prosthetic golf knee tomorrow. That should be amusing. Let him also know I think about him constantly and pray for his health and safety.
Gire has a story to tell too, he may have shared it already with you. I am in Cali now on a climate project. California has the highest homeless count, 177,000 last I saw. Illinois is among the 3 lowest totals, the total there is "too many." Every small town here, the coastline, the wealthy areas and not so ... people are hurting by the tracks. It's an election issue from Seattle to San Diego.
Thank you for writing this.
Wow, indeed. None of this is easy. Thank you for writing about it.
Wow. Matt, even though this is a heavy piece, I’m so grateful that you’d be willing to share all of these really hard and intimate thoughts and moments that you have been holding on to and thinking through. You mentioned that you have defined your role within the relationship,
“Years ago, I determined that I am not here to convince him to clean up. My role is to be his brother, to let him know that I love him, and that I am available to help him when he’s ready to get the help he needs.”
I can only assume that even though this role you’ve given yourself may give you a sense of freedom in only taking responsibility for what you can actually change or help, it comes with it a lot more hardship as it has reveals a lot more transparency over your brother’s circumstance. I hope that writing has been a good companion to you in recounting all these meaningful and melancholic times.
Matt, so sorry to hear about Phil's situation. I have a brother-in-law who is a recovering addict, but in a far different situation. He's taken up "residence" in my in-laws home, not because they want him there, but because he is a master manipulator, who has convinced my mother-father in-law that they can't say no. So, the enabling continues.
Also dealing with a family member, who like Phil, "has made his bed," and is living in it. I hear from him only when he needs something, and if I'm hesitant to comply with the request, I am labeled the "biggest a-hole" in the world, who is "beyond selfish." Not the ideal relationship, but it's been that ay for years, with no change in sight.
Makes me happy that you all still share a relationship. It's not an easy thing to do. Please tell Phil I as asking about him next time you see him. We were never "tight," but we were friendly, and I vividly remember his exploits on the field and the mat that can only be considered legendary. Keep fighting the good fight.
Thank you, T.J., and I will certainly pass that along to Phil. His athletic frame and background may well be what has kept him alive thru what would surely have taken many of us six feet under. He walks about 8 miles a day now, too. More on that in a future post.
Beautifully written and pure. The sidelines are hard and heart breaking but necessary sometimes. ❤️ Sending love and hopefulness. When the war on tv becomes the war at home. ❤️❤️
I love this article. Got me thinking of the old days when we would visit you in Somerville and Marshfield. We were all so young and innocent back then. As you know I can relate to this article too much. Happy you can be there for him. Love you cuz.
Thank you, Russ! The other day, Phil was asking about you -- something he does pretty frequently. I let him know that you'd been golfing recently, which he got a kick out of hearing.
Let him know I'm testing a new prosthetic golf knee tomorrow. That should be amusing. Let him also know I think about him constantly and pray for his health and safety.
Great piece, Matt.
Gire has a story to tell too, he may have shared it already with you. I am in Cali now on a climate project. California has the highest homeless count, 177,000 last I saw. Illinois is among the 3 lowest totals, the total there is "too many." Every small town here, the coastline, the wealthy areas and not so ... people are hurting by the tracks. It's an election issue from Seattle to San Diego.
Baffling and painful. My thoughts are with you.