Catch the Wave
When you’re behind the wheel, what do you do when someone lets you into traffic? Here's my unwavering approach.
The other day, a motorist motioned me into traffic.
Fifty feet into what would be a 20-mile trek, I eased into the lane, saw the coast was clear, then lifted a hand to offer the traditional thank-you wave.
The moment reinforced something I’ve noticed over 40 years behind the wheel: there are two types of drivers in the world—those who are practitioners of “the wave” and those who are not.
I’m captain of Team Wave (and Team Look-for-the-Wave). I realize that I may well be in the minority, because I rarely see anyone offer a wave when, if the roles were reversed, I’d have extended the friendly finger wiggle.
There’s no way to know quite what’s going on in the hearts and minds of these fellow journeyers, but let me take a shot at some of the most likely reasons behind their wave-free ways:
They feel entitled.
They see that I stopped because I had to—move on, people, nothing to see (or acknowledge) here.
They feel sheepish.
“Whoops,” they’re thinking. “I shouldn’t have squeezed in here.”
They didn’t have the right of way…and are chagrined about muscling their way ahead of my car. They simply want to move on from this awkward moment. Maybe they’re concerned the wave will be misconstrued as a middle-finger salute?
They didn’t even see me.
Whether literally or figuratively, they didn’t see me in a personal way. They’re preoccupied with everything else. There’s simply no room in the mental inn.
I believe this impersonal mindset helps fuel “road rage,” similar to those keyboard warriors on the Internet who will write things they’d never in a million years say face-to-face. On the road, these folks don’t see another human being so much as an object —in this case, a hunk of steel with tires—that’s slowing them down from where they need to go.
I haven’t always been an unwavering waver. I’ve grown into this persona over time.
Part of my motivation is an increasing sense of my own mortality; I don’t take for granted that I’ll get from Point A to Point B without something going awry. I will also stipulate that, in others’ view, I probably wave too much (and expect too much of others).
Just the same, I’m going to keep it up. At a time in our world that, collectively, feels increasingly fragile and fraught, I believe there’s heightened value in practicing kindness and gratitude.
A polite wave on the highways and byways won’t cure all that ails us. But at least it points us in a better direction.
Boy, this triggers some road rage memories for me (where I was on the receiving end), and one of them involved a wave. Look, I am all for waving when people let me into a crowded road. But several years ago, a guy let me in onto a crowded road (I was exiting a parking lot), and I didn't wave. I don't know why. I might have been talking to my youngest daughter, I might have been thinking about a million things (I think we had just been to a doctor about something, but what I don't recall). Well, we were in a traffic jam, with nothing to do, and so maybe that's why the guy who let me onto the road, just let me have it. He started screaming at me about manners and how one should wave when they're ushered into traffic. He wasn't wrong, but he undermined his own argument by being so angry. Well, I found myself infuriated, and I was worried I would go into some sort of road rage, and so I got out of the line of traffic and went back into the parking lot and just sat there and fumed and raged, while my daughter kind of watched me implode... so... I always wave now... partially out of fear. But, sure, it's nice to give a thankful wave when drivers are nice to you. So I'm on Team Wave but not militant about it (I know you aren't either... this guy was in a special class all on his own).
A memory that I have from visiting Ireland as a junior high youngster out of Marshvegas was my grandfathers friendly wave, and many other like him in Ireland. I guess it might be a sort of lazy man friendly wave, they raise their index finger. Now I visit a couple of times a year and still notice that it's a thing in rural Ireland. The friendly finger wave, luckily it's not the middle one. That would confuse us yanks LOL